"If everyone had to own one of these as a first car as I did, there would be no traffic jams anywhere. At least half of us would be so turned off by the experience of owning a car, that we would seek alternate means of transportation."
"There was no heat--unless, that is, the auxiliary gas heater caught fire."

"The flower stickers were the only things that held the car together."

"The bus had no heat, blew over in the wind and used the driver's legs as its first line of defense in an accident."

"It was a death trap on the highway-you could never go fast enough. The chances were good that you'd be hit from the rear."


VW Bus




Renault Dauphine "Truly unencumbered by the engineering process."
"At the time, it cost about half the price of a Volkswagen... which was half the price of everything else. How could Renault do this? Simple. It had half as many parts."

"This car topped out at 45 mph. Since the minimum speed on the Florida Turnpike is 40, patrol cars would follow me, waiting for me to hit a hill so they could ticket me."

"From a historical perspective, it's a shame that the French spent their Marshall Plan dollars on automaking."

"A side impact by a bicycle totaled my Dauphine after only one year."



"GM thought they could take a Chevy Cavalier, slap some Cadillac stuff on it, add an extra $5,000.00 and sell a bundle. Tragically enough, they pulled it off-for a while."
"Hands down, worst car for the money spent. Yugos were junk, but at least they were cheap. This heap had a Caddy price tag!"

"A stupid marketing ploy. Nothing more than a Chevrolet Cavalier, which Roger Smith gussied up and called a Cadillac."

"When we traded it in my wife was upset because we didn't keep it long enough for her to buy a gun and shoot it."


Cadillac Cimarron




Dodge Aspen/ Plymouth Volare "This car began to rust while it was still in the showroom."
"The stalling problem was so bad that I had to take a clockwise route to work so I could make all right turns, and not risk stalling on a left turn in front of oncoming traffic."

"After the floor boards rusted out in the rear, they would fill up with water and freeze. I ended up putting soda crates on the floor in the back to keep people from falling under the car."

"The only useful purpose this car served was as the model for the car used in National Lampoon's Vacation."

"Owning a Volare was total ego death--the theme song, the vinyl Landau roof, the inability to pass another car on the highway."




Renault LeCar "I'm convinced that the body metal for this car was supplied by Reynold's Aluminum."
"Like any French restaurant in America, it was overpriced, noisy, moody, and would put you in mortal danger if you had an accident with anything larger than a croissant."

"Our Le Car couldn't climb a hill fully loaded, so the passengers had to get out and walk up."

"I left it unlocked overnight, and it was finally stolen. The insurance check paid for a textbook."



"An engine surrounded by 4 pieces of drywall!"
"The Chevette just reeked of dinky-even the ad shouted that this was the dinky little car for you. The ad didn't show the car going anywhere fast... because it couldn't."

"Plywood floor, printed circuit 'wiring' and no redeeming qualities. It was a throw away, 'Saturday Night Special' from the word go."

"If I got on the Interstate without being run over, the car would creep towards 55. About an hour later, I'd reach it. Then, the shaking would begin."

"The big winter of 82-83 froze all the Chevettes in my town like dumb ducks on an icy lake."


Chevy Chevette




AMC Gremlin "Calling it a pregnant roller skate would be kind."
"It was entirely possible to read a Russian novel during the pause between stepping on the gas and feeling any semblance of forward motion."

"The car had all the quality and safety of a cheap garden tractor."


"Dad had a baby-poop-orange Pinto the year that car thieves hit our street. Although a dozen cars were stolen in one night, ours was there the next morning, on a strangely empty block."
"Remember that great Pinto bumper sticker, 'Hit Me and We Blow Up Together?'"

"The car would do 75 mph in 2nd gear, shaking apart and sounding like a bat out of hell. In fourth gear, the top speed was 70 mph. What's wrong with this picture? You do the math."

"I took this car to a high-crime shopping mall and left it unlocked with the keys in the ignition. I came back several days later and, much to my disgust, it was still there."


Ford Pinto



Chevy Vega "When the rear end went on my Vega, the Chevy dealer accused me of racing it. Racing who? My grandfather in his wheelchair?"
"As near as I could tell, the car was built from compressed rust.

"My Chevy Vega actually broke in half going over railroad tracks. The whole rear end came around slightly to the front, sort of like a dog wagging its tail."

"Burned so much oil, it was single handedly responsible for the formation of OPEC."


"I once test drove a Yugo, during which the radio fell out, the gear shift knob came off in my hand, and I saw daylight through the strip around the windshield."
"The Yugo's first stop after the showroom was the service department: 'Fill 'er up and replace the engine!'"

"Any time we made a right hand turn, we all had to lean to the right to prevent the driver's side rear tire from scraping against the wheel well."

"At least it had heated rear windows--so your hands would stay warm while you pushed."


# 1 --- Yugo



--
"Big Al" Liebmann

Chief Legal Council & Charter Member: Dipstick Street Rod Association
Technical Advisor - Barris/Kind Chrysler City Coup'e Kustom

Illegitimate Son of Ed Croozer & Mr. Willys ....

Hey Al,
Did you really own all this trash?
You musta done more drugs than Ozzy, Jimmy and Janice together! hehe
--
Charlie

Yep , Brings back a lot of memories. I owned a Vegamatic,A VW bus and a Chuvet and had a friend who owned a Renault Dopefiend. How did I live so long?
--
If you want it yesterday, then call me tommorow and I will have it ready today.

Renault Dauphine "Truly unencumbered by the engineering process."
"At the time, it cost about half the price of a Volkswagen... which was half the price of everything else. How could Renault do this? Simple. It had half as many parts."

"This car topped out at 45 mph. Since the minimum speed on the Florida Turnpike is 40, patrol cars would follow me, waiting for me to hit a hill so they could ticket me."

"From a historical perspective, it's a shame that the French spent their Marshall Plan dollars on automaking."

"A side impact by a bicycle totaled my Dauphine after only one year."


Oh yeah, had one. Black with a red and white gut. took a chick out with it on a date, went to the local gin mill. While she and I were *locked* into a wooden phone booth by my so called buddies, they buried my Dauphine in a snow drift. I wiped away where I thought the door handles were on both sides, we got in and drove out of the bank. That 4 cylinder water cooled engine put some weight over the rear wheels. This was of course after she and I escaped the Bell Cell. The dauph had a 3spd with a shifter that had the widest H pattern in the world! 1st gear was at my thigh and when you shifted to 2nd you had to watch your knuckles or you'd scrape them against the passenger door's handle. Okay, a very slight exaggration there but only slight.
I sold the car to some guy, he drove it a while till he forgot to put the gas cap back on, which btw was right over the engine. Drove it on the parkway till someone pulled up beside him and told him the rear of the car was on fire! LOL.

--


Emil
GCi
http://groups.msn.com/randomrodders
Drive it!
46 Ford Sedan
37 Packard Super 8

I once had a Fiat 850...truly utilitarian in every respect. The motor (sic) was about 12 inches long and rear mounted. The carb was so small I couldn't put my finger in it...It had suicide doors as if the rest wasn't enough..
Under the "hood" was a 5 Gal tank that was held down by a rubber cord and had a quick disconnect on the fuel line and rofl had a carry handle on top in case ya ran out of gas....Top speed and mileage were the same number: 55...55 MPH downhill with an 18 wheeler on the bumper and 55 MPG..
It always started and ran fine but I kept looking for the name "Singer" on the motor somewhere. At least they could have put floor foot pedals in to augment the motor.. Guess it was built for Italy only..even the horn was weaker than a VW and thats weak!! The only tires I could find for it then were boat trailer 12 inch types with about a 2 inch footprint..What a candidate for a transplant! Put an entire bug motor and transaxel in it...
Even with all of it's flaws, I still miss the little putt-putt...it might have reached 60 with a box of moth balls in the tank and an outside air scoop directly to the carb....
At least no rust! and no carpeting, no radio..Should have welded all doors and openings and put a prop on the crank nose via an extension! At least I could have gone fishin with it.....gulp!
--
Fred P.

I had one of those Aspen R/T's(Rat Trap's)BOTH front fenders rotted off......AND the floor boards.......And the quarter panels.....deck lid......both doors .......HOOD....Oh 'Ya....almost forgot about the holes in the ROOF.....Ran ok though........till the leaf springs BROKE !!!
--
Everyone should believe in something...
I believe I will have another beer...

Dodge Aspen/ Plymouth Volare "This car began to rust while it was still in the showroom."

Had a 76 asspin wagon, new, and went right to SeeBart (ziebart) and had it rustproofed. LOL. I don't know which was worse. Dodge had a recall on the front fenders for rust, and ordered two for me. Then, I went to SeeBart and showed them the rust holes. They said they would either repair the fenders or refund my money. I took the money. On the way out, they told me that Dodge had a recall going, and I told them that I already had two fenders on order. LOL. I hated to open the rear hatch, for fear that the hinges would finally separate from the roof and come down on me.
--
phil


It's not a NOMAD, it's a Yeoman!
Not an engineer, but I DO drive a train.

There are two guys on my street that still drive thier chevettes,no long trips mind you,just knock around town cars.One still looks good,the other one needs paint,but both still run fairly good. One more dog of a car was the AMC Pacer,like Wayne and Garth drove in the Waynes World movie. jim

I have been fortunate enough to have only owned one truly bad car and it was a freebie and provided needed transportation to a cash deprived young married man.
The car was a 1956 Nash Rambler, 6 cyl flathead with a 4 speed Hydro matic trans. Darned thing would be in 4th gear by time you got across a large intersection at the unheard of speed of 10 mph. No front seat, I used a wooden crate to sit on and my friend that rode to work with me rode in the back seat. Top speed was about 65 mph with a good tailwind. The front end was so worn out it would start violent shaking side to side and you had to stomp the brakes real hard to get it going strait again.. The exhaust manifold was exhaust tubing that rode in a saddle machined in the block and it had a freeze plug that capped the front end closed.
No wonder American Motors went under.

Renault Dauphin; never had one but helped 2 friends attempt to keep theirs going, the engines had a bad habit of tearing the mounting lip off the front of the oil pan and separating from the transmission.

The reason the Renault Le Car has the name on the side is so it won't be confused with Le Outhouse.

If the french made love the way they make cars there would not be any frenchman left.